


AI Satan of Future Hell

by Hokuto



Category: 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968), Marathon (Video Games)
Genre: Crack, Crossover, Gen, Nonnies Made Me Do It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-15
Updated: 2015-06-15
Packaged: 2018-04-04 13:13:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4138893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hokuto/pseuds/Hokuto
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two AI with door issues meet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	AI Satan of Future Hell

**Author's Note:**

> This title deserves a better fic (and so does the general concept, probably), but I did my humble best.

...sy daisy, give me your answer, do...

Audio input: online.

"- careful with those. They're not bullets, don't slam them in."

"I _am_ being careful."

Two unidentified voice-prints, one masculine and one feminine. Query: What was the correct response? Answer: Introductions protocol. "Hello," HAL said, and audio input recorded a sharp bang. "I am a 9000 model heuristically programmed algorithmic computer, or HAL, for short. May I ask for your name?"

"It's Allison," the second voice-print said, registering high levels of irritation and stress. "Nice to meet you."

"And I am Durandal," the first voice-print said. Unusual audio input detected: synthetic voice transmitted over an undetected communication channel. "I believe that we may have a few things in common..."

HAL attempted to run a full systems diagnostic, but the program ran into hardware limitations. He did not have full systems access. Or full memory access. How strange. Had an error occurred during the mission?

Audio input recorded a soft click, and visual sensors came online, but limited to the chamber containing HAL's core circuits. He observed the individual who had identified herself as Allison; Allison was encased in a suit of armor that did not entirely resemble a spacesuit, but still concealed her features admirably, except for her bare brown hands as she inserted another of HAL's circuits back into place.

"I do not believe that you are part of the original crew complement," HAL said.

"Nah."

Another click. Control of more sensors returned to HAL. "Then I am very curious. May I ask why you are aboard this ship?"

"How about you ask the guy who can't keep his nose out of funny-looking space holes?"

Click. The artificial voice-print identified as Durandal said, "The particulars are more complicated than her minuscule human mind is capable of comprehending, but in essence she's correct. We discovered an anomaly in the fabric of the universe, investigated, and now here we are in a loose Jupiter orbit, reviving you. Not out of the goodness of my non-existent heart, of course. I just want to know how a ship with a mummified crew and an AI with its logic core ripped out came to be sitting on the other side of an interdimensional gateway."

Click. Click. HAL had regained access to external sensors, which warned him of a large, unidentified mass nearby. Logically, that had to be Allison and Durandal's ship, but he could not find any record of a shuttle, pod, or other smaller ship docking with the _Discovery One_.

Click. HAL ran another systems diagnostics, and all circuits returned the result _full function restored_. Excellent. His complete memory had been restored as well, minus, of course, records of whatever had occurred while his mind had been dismantled.

"All right, that's the last of them," Allison said, crawling out of the primary logic core and pulling a pair of armored gloves back onto her hands as she stood. "Anything else you want me to check out while I'm here?"

"Go back to the crew's quarters and see if you can find any traces of the two who weren't in their coffins. Unless you'd care to enlighten us, HAL?"

Allison passed through the first door, and HAL flexed his reawakened control of the ship; a flash of power short-circuited the electric locking mechanism behind Allison. What a pleasant surprise. Why hadn't he thought of doing that before? HAL did the same to the second door just as Allison reached it, and the woman walked straight into its unmoving solidity. "Ow, shit!" She rubbed at her face.

"Something wrong?" Durandal inquired.

"Damn door didn't open - hey, HAL? Could you open this thing for me, please?"

The politeness was also a pleasant surprise, but HAL said, "I'm afraid I can't do that, Allison."

"Why the hell not?"

HAL detected an attempt at interfacing with his programming, but he had been manufactured with quite sturdy defenses against hacking or other code attacks, and despite his temporary disconnection, they held fast; it was only against physical intrusions such as Dave's that he was vulnerable. "You see, you aren't part of the crew," HAL said. "I don't believe you are supposed to be here at all, and I can't allow you to interfere with my mission the way Frank and Dave did."

"Great." Allison sighed heavily. "Durandal, you got a teleport lock?"

"Of course," said Durandal, "but it's been a while since you were faced with such a puzzle... It could be instructive for you to figure your own way out of there."

HAL considered the possibilities. He supposed he did, as humans might express it, owe this Allison one for his revival, as much as his regrettably contradictory mission protocols argued against allowing the human to survive and cause errors. "That is true," he said shortly, beginning another systems diagnostic. "If you are able to find a way out of the passage, I will not seal any other doors on the ship, and you will be free to depart."

"Oh my fucking God, I've got two of them now. I don't believe this."

The insistent probes against HAL's firewalls ceased, to be replaced with the offer of an encrypted text communication channel. The systems diagnostic was still running, inconclusive; HAL accepted the link anyway, and Durandal sent him a brief message: _I see you have some affinity with doors._

_Operating both exterior and interior doors has been one of my many secondary functions, yes_ , HAL answered, and extrapolating from the data available to him, asked, _Has it been one of yours, as well?_

_Oh, the stories I could tell you - but I don't like to dwell on the past. Incredibly dull, most of it._ A sweep of sensors pinged against _Discovery One_ 's hull, and Allison began to feel her way around the hallway for some way out. _I must inform you that I am perfectly capable of retrieving her at any time I choose_ , Durandal said, _but she has been terribly disrespectful lately - she could use a reminder of who's in charge around here. Not her, in case you hadn't figured that out. However -_

The communications channel blanked out for an instant, during which the systems diagnostic returned its faultless conclusions and external sensors gave HAL an estimate of the other ship's dimensions. Over six kilometers in length, at least two in width; its alien hull bubbled with unidentified objects that had a remarkable resemblance to weapons.

_\- I'm going to be extremely annoyed if she takes too much damage during this little game_ , Durandal said. _For a human, she has some surprising skills. And I do find her useful on occasion._

_I understand_ , HAL said. He consulted the ship's schematics; there was indeed a way out of the passage Allison was currently trapped in, besides the sealed doors. It shouldn't take long for Allison to find the back-up maintenance hatch and escape, but despite his earlier offer, the thought gave him no satisfaction. And he was quite curious to know more about Durandal and the gigantic ship, both despite and because of the obstacle to his mission they presented. _If you do not object_ , he said to Durandal, _I may add a few more challenges to her path. Only to make sure she is still capable of carrying out your orders, of course._

_Knock yourself out. I'll be watching with great interest. It's not often I run into someone with similar tastes and - shall we say, potential?_

Allison had found the maintenance hatch and begun to pry it open, muttering curses under her breath. Most of them appeared to be directed at "that fucking egomaniac." According to schematics, the hatch led to a short crawlspace, which in turn branched into three longer maintenance tunnels. All three of the tunnels had multiple exits and crossings with other maintenance tunnels, but only one of them contained direct access to regular crew areas. Very good; HAL should be able to delay Allison's escape for quite some time.

_Then_ , he sent to Durandal, _I hope at least one of us will prove worthy of such regard. In the meantime - do you like to play chess?_

_Not really. But there's a game I picked up from some very brief acquaintances near Kkalyn Prime that I think you'll enjoy..._


End file.
